just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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