She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
