oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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