Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
