I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
