I wanna bring you to show and tell
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
