I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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