You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
