Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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