He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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