please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
