I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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