i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
