I have demons in me.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
