I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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