I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
