omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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