never play flip cup with pint glasses
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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