your thong is hanging out like whoa
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
