if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
