K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
