My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Everything about him screamed your future.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
