Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
