Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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