Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
