the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
