Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
