I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
