Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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