how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
