Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
