Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
