Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
