You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Apparently you make a good broom.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
