I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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