Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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