I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
