I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i would punch a child for taco bell
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
