You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
