I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
