i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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