Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
