She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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