i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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