M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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