the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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