I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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