There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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