That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Are we still banned from the library?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I have aggressive nipples.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
