If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
