Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
