i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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