Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
